


Day 1: Shaky Hands

by emerald_moons



Series: WhumpTober 2019 [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 11:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerald_moons/pseuds/emerald_moons
Summary: We stan gays who communicate. A conversation that might have happened, if things had gone better.





	Day 1: Shaky Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Trying out WhumpTober and starting with SnowBaz because Wayward Son hurt me.

“Agatha and I, we, we never did anything.”

I had pulled back from kissing Baz on my bed to tell him that he looked stupid pretty in his fancy suit but really, he needed to take it off before it got even more rumpled. Instead, I blurted out that and promptly flushed red. And ducked my head in against his neck so I didn’t have to look at his face as he reacted to it.

Baz stayed still against me for an agonizing second before he huffed and pressed a kiss to my head.

“How long have you been sitting on that one, Snow?”

I scowled, and pulled back to look at him. He was smirking at me, of course, should have looked ridiculous with his tousled hair and creased suit, but instead he looked like an artfully rumpled model. He always looked like a model. I wanted to kiss him and drag us both away from this conversation, but held myself in check. I had been wanting to talk to him about this, even as I had been resolutely ignoring it.

“I – I don’t want you to have, like, expectations.” I plowed forward before my brain can catch up with my mouth. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“Simon,” Baz started, and my heart still caught when he said my name with his ridiculous posh accent. I probably never would stop reacting to it like that. Baz grabbed my hands from where they were tangled in his suit jacket, and I realized with a start that they were shaking.

“Simon,” he said again, quieter, and I watched out intertwined hands. His were soft in comparison to mine, which were calloused from years of wielding a sword. I had cried ugly, angry tears when the sword refused to come when Baz tried to call it for me, after. I couldn’t look at him and Penny in the eyes for two days afterward. I tried to push the memory to the back of my head, cataloguing it among the things I didn’t think about. Before, I had thought that maybe, once I stopped having to go to a home every summer, I could stop not thinking about everything. Now I had so much to not think about, all the time.

I knew Baz wanted me to look at him, was waiting for me while his thumb brushed in slow, back-and-forth motions over my knuckles. I was vicerially glad that Penny was away at her parents this weekend. I couldn’t handle her barging in on this. I glanced up at him, through my eyelashes. On him it probably would have looked coy, but I was sure I just looked scared.

“Want to know a secret?” Baz said conspiratorially, ducking his head so his forehead nearly touched my own. “I also don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

A laugh startled out of me to hear Baz swearing like a Normal and he grinned back, a surprisingly open expression. I decided he really should say ‘fuck’ more often.

He pulled me down then, hands moving from mine to wrap around my waist to press me against him as we stretched out on the bed. I adjusted my wings and rolled slightly on top so they could lay flat against my back. 

“We’ll figure it out, our own way.” Baz murmured against me, carding his hand through my hair in a way I tried not to preen at, and probably failed. “We’ve got time.”

I leaned my head against his chest and my head landed on the bumpy crease of his jacket. “Baz, you’re ruining your suit.”

“Don’t care,” he said, vowels softer with sleepiness. “I’ll magic it later.”

Later. We’ve got time.

I curled my tail around his ankle. And as I held Baz against me, listening to his breathing slow, I realized my hands had stopped shaking.


End file.
